Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
