God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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