time to smoke my breakfast
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
