I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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