Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
