the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
