Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
