can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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