I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
