what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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