things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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