You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
