Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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