Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
two words...techno handjob
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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