You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
