I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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