how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
