i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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