the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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