Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
