Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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