he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
