Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The feeling are messing with the penis
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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