Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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