I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
