Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I color on your dick again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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