i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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