Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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