Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
