conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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