I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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