I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
