I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
