i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My ass is underappreciated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I currently don't understand fingers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize