The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
