You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
