mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
