i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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