but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
