There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
