And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
PANTIES FOUND
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
