sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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