this beer tastes like vomit already
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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