i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
