bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
