my phone needs a breathalizer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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