i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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