he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
