Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
