Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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