I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
