If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
