When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
