my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
