Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
