I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
