try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
