I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
