Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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