No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
