My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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