we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
