Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
