I think I died a long time ago.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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