I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
