this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
