I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
