did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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