I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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