he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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