Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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