Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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