Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
