i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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