just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
